It's been quite a long time since I've posted on my
blog--perhaps too long. But 2014 will be upon us in little more than 24 hours,
and I feel as if that deserves some recognition. New Years is often considered
a time to look ahead, but I keep finding myself looking back...back at what
2013 has been.
Today's quote is not really a quote. It's a Facebook post
that I wrote on December 31, 2012.
"Well, 2012 is all but over. It certainly has been quite a year. I'm excited to see what the future holds, and though 2012 has had its share of trials, I'm almost sorry to see it go."
I remember where I was sitting when I wrote that, and the
things going through my mind. And I can't help but thinking, wondering if I
would have been so optimistic about the New Year if I had known what it would
hold.
I don't want to sound melodramatic. But I think that I can
say without exaggeration that 2013 has been the hardest year of my life.
Maybe that's not saying much. I'm only 22 years old. I
haven't really lived yet, and I'm sure that life will get much harder before
it's over. It might also get much easier. I don't know what life holds. And I
think that's one of the most important differences between New Years 2013 and
New Years 2014. Last year, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what lay
ahead. This time around, I haven't a clue. It's a good reminder that we never
know what our future holds. God's plans are often not the same as ours, but His
are always better.
And let me make one thing clear before I continue. There are
many things about 2013 that I am thankful for. I am beyond blessed by friends,
family and most importantly, my Savior.
I am thankful, too, for the lessons this year has taught me.
Though often I have been an incredibly stubborn student. They are lessons I did
not necessarily expect to learn--about myself, about people, and about the
Lord.
I have learned that trials have no easy fix, no easy out.
Life has no "undo" button or fairytale ending. But I have also been
reminded that trials show us for what we really are, and so I am that much more
aware of how much I need God's grace. I fall woefully short of the mark.
And so, sometimes I wonder how I would have approached
2013...
...if I had known about the disappointments.
...if I had known about the nights I would sit alone in my
room and cry.
...if I had known about the things I would do and say and
later regret.
...if I had known about the "goodbyes" I never
expected to say.
But you see, mixed in with all of that were times of such
laughter and love, such honesty and vulnerability, such joy and hope.
There will always be shadows, but you need light to make
those shadows. You can't have one without the other, in this life anyway. There
is a life coming with all light and no shadows.
Ultimately I'm glad that I do not know the future. God only
gives us as much as we can handle. Whatever blessings and trials lie ahead,
there will be grace enough to face them both, if only I rely on the One who
supplies it.
My hope for 2014 is that I can be content to trust God, even
when I can't trust people. My hope is that I can rest in His grace and mercy,
because nothing else can save me. My confidence is that He is with me EVERY
step of my life, no matter what 2014, 2015 or the rest of my years bring. From
Him are the blessings and from Him are the trials (blessings in disguise).
Blessed be His name!
So, I greet 2014 with a smile and open arms. Not because
2013 was a triumph, not because I have this all figured out, not because I
expect it to be painless. But because HIS grace is sufficient.
Happy New Year!
